Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
