I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
