4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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