Apparently you make a good broom.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
