Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
