He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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