Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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