when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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