My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize