i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
