i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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