the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
