It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
only you would photoshop your dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
