who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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