Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
