I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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