if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
