Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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