I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
