Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All the doctor said was why
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
