I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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