one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize