I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
