My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
