i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
