I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
