I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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