worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
