i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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