She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
