Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
