I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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