I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
