I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
