nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
