Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
