I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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