i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
