'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
