She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
