My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
