i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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