Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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