Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
