he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
