Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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