I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
