you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
