I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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