I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
