I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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