First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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