I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize