I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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