Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I stole a fireplace last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
