i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
