Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize