A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
