sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
