The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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