dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
