I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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