She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
