Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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