Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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