don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize