fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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