Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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